Staring into the wall I sighed. My room's posters was replaced by her pictures. I feel like tearing it all down. But I can't. She's just too dear to me. We barely knew each other. But I fall head over heels for her. She was my world. She was my everything. She was my inspiration, she was my destined wife. She... is my fantasy. But I blew it all out. Stupid me. I did not think. I wrote and wrote. I felt anger in my heart, little did I know, that was the devil's plan all along. Now its up to me to solve it. I have to gain her back. No matter how hard I tried, how many years it takes, how many days of my life I think of a plan to get her back, I won't care. All I would do is try to get her back. First. It seemed hard. I thought she was someone different, which she was, but I tried to understand her by asking questions, till I hit the wrong topic, but I wanted to know the answer desperately. After all, I am, desperate for her. I'm serious. I'm so desperate I could do crazy things. She might be smiling now. She might be happy with her friends, but not me. Somewhere, someone in this world is feeling so lonely and rejected. Somewhere, someone in this world is feeling hurt, somewhere, someone in this world is crying. That would be me. I'm thinking of ways to approach her to start a new. I hope to start a new, after knowing what hell she have been through. I should have known, she's always more sensitive than me, after what she has gone through, I couldn't imagine breaking her broken heart. I really- can't. I wanna try to make it up to you. I hope you cool down and relax when I say all this. I hope you are prepared for the truth. Don't worry. It won't hurt a bit, I promise, and I promised you much more than that but I broke it. I'm now indulging in my own desperation. I'm now sulking in my own sadness, not anger. I'm so stupid, why? Why did I ever hurt you like that? Why? Why have I done this wrong to you? I am such a fool. Not you. I take back all my curses and angers against you. All of it. I do not hate you, I loved you too much. Words can't describe this feeling. This feeling of desperation and anxiety creeps up on me like an enemy. I wanna counter it, but I'm not strong enough without you. I know you have liked me first, and you've had success in getting me to love you back. Haha. Nice one. Its easy to love me. Really. You really wanna know? Just tell me you love me, once a day, tell me you miss me once a day, you'll send me sky high to Pluto. Hehe. Do please also listen to this song, What Makes You Different - Westlife. I will sing it to you if you would not mind. I would change my entire life just to be with you, that's how love can change me. Love has a deep meaning for me. When I say I love you, I mean it. When I say I miss you, I mean it too. Its okay if you don't really miss or love me. As long as you have feelings for me, I'll accept you. Now I know, I do not care. I want to be with you no matter what. I know you hate me for what I wrote. I know you hate me because I said bad things about you. I'm sorry. I did not mean it. I said it out of anger. I'm sorry, please forgive me. I know you are very sensitive, just like me. But, you are a lil more sensitivier than me. lol. :D But its okay. I like sensitive girls. :)
And as I write this things down in my journal, I hope I would put some note in every single boy, guy, man and all men around the world, treasure every girl you get, they are all different. And now all I have to do is get her back. I know it'll be awkward, I know you'll feel really weird and I know, you'll feel annoyed quickly when you hate someone. But I don't care. As long as my heart beats, you'll always be in my mind. So now I'm gonna say this. And I'm gonna repeat it many times.
I'm sorry for making you sad. I'm sorry for hurting you. I'm sorry for being a jerk. I'm sorry for being such a stupid person. I hope when you have cooled down you would take a look at this. I'm sorry for what I've done to you. I know you care for me, but you just did not show it, that is fine with me. When my heart melts, I would be fine with everything. I am now, fine with everything, just don't turn your back on me, please. I'm sorry I do not know how to make you happy. Maybe if we went out more often I would. I'm an observant person. I look at you, and I know if you're annoyed or sad, happy or cute. I'm sorry, but I need you in my life. A part of my heart left with you. A part of me was gone with you. Now certain things I do, I can't focus. I can't focus on my work, I can't focus in my sleep, I can't sleep. I dream about you. I was jogging to your house. I stood outside and noticed you were already asleep, but then your grandmother saw me. And I ran away. I ran and ran. And suddenly a car stopped me and I woke it. It was 10.30 a.m local time on the 29th of October 2009. I'm sorry for everything my dear Cindy. Sorry.
Although I know you wouldn't wanna read my blog anymore, but please. Make this your last view. All my life was revolving around a circle, now that circle is replaced by you, but you took it off. I send my apologies to you. If there is a chance for me to say I'm sorry, tell me. No matter what you would want me to do. I wouldn't mind if it is for you. No song could make me sleep except your voice, no one can make me smile or laugh except your smile, no one can change me except you, no one can make me this as except you, no one can make happy except you. I'm so sorry for everything that I have said and done. I am so sorry for all that I have said to you, I know I doubted you. It was always with me. I changed my personality. I look at you differently. You are someone different. I want to make you someone even more special than special. But you are still special to me no matter what. Do not ignore me for what I have done. I know I have done terrible things to you.
From this moment on I'm changed. I will be better for you. I will be someone you want me to be. Just say it and I will follow. I will be your number one fan! haha. :) And truly madly and deeply, I am in love with you. I know you still like me a little bit. For all that I have said to you, I am a stupid idiot. I didn't understand you well, but what do you know? Sometimes people learn the hard way. And now I did. I'm sorry. My deep apologies to you. Please, Cindy, give me a second chance.
And as I write this things down in my journal, I hope I would put some note in every single boy, guy, man and all men around the world, treasure every girl you get, they are all different. And now all I have to do is get her back. I know it'll be awkward, I know you'll feel really weird and I know, you'll feel annoyed quickly when you hate someone. But I don't care. As long as my heart beats, you'll always be in my mind. So now I'm gonna say this. And I'm gonna repeat it many times.
I'm sorry for making you sad. I'm sorry for hurting you. I'm sorry for being a jerk. I'm sorry for being such a stupid person. I hope when you have cooled down you would take a look at this. I'm sorry for what I've done to you. I know you care for me, but you just did not show it, that is fine with me. When my heart melts, I would be fine with everything. I am now, fine with everything, just don't turn your back on me, please. I'm sorry I do not know how to make you happy. Maybe if we went out more often I would. I'm an observant person. I look at you, and I know if you're annoyed or sad, happy or cute. I'm sorry, but I need you in my life. A part of my heart left with you. A part of me was gone with you. Now certain things I do, I can't focus. I can't focus on my work, I can't focus in my sleep, I can't sleep. I dream about you. I was jogging to your house. I stood outside and noticed you were already asleep, but then your grandmother saw me. And I ran away. I ran and ran. And suddenly a car stopped me and I woke it. It was 10.30 a.m local time on the 29th of October 2009. I'm sorry for everything my dear Cindy. Sorry.
Although I know you wouldn't wanna read my blog anymore, but please. Make this your last view. All my life was revolving around a circle, now that circle is replaced by you, but you took it off. I send my apologies to you. If there is a chance for me to say I'm sorry, tell me. No matter what you would want me to do. I wouldn't mind if it is for you. No song could make me sleep except your voice, no one can make me smile or laugh except your smile, no one can change me except you, no one can make me this as except you, no one can make happy except you. I'm so sorry for everything that I have said and done. I am so sorry for all that I have said to you, I know I doubted you. It was always with me. I changed my personality. I look at you differently. You are someone different. I want to make you someone even more special than special. But you are still special to me no matter what. Do not ignore me for what I have done. I know I have done terrible things to you.
From this moment on I'm changed. I will be better for you. I will be someone you want me to be. Just say it and I will follow. I will be your number one fan! haha. :) And truly madly and deeply, I am in love with you. I know you still like me a little bit. For all that I have said to you, I am a stupid idiot. I didn't understand you well, but what do you know? Sometimes people learn the hard way. And now I did. I'm sorry. My deep apologies to you. Please, Cindy, give me a second chance.
P.s; I almost cried writing this down. I know you wouldn't care. But as information to other people, think before you talk is a powerful sentence. It can differentiate between right and wrong. I have done it the wrong way. Please forgive me and I will be someone new, someone you never knew before. And with all this, I promise I would be superbly duperbly nice to you. That's a promise.
"And most of all, I love you still Cindy. You know who you are. I hope one of your friends reads this and pursuades you to give me a chance. I really pray to God that that will happen to you. I pray to God that He'll ease your heart. I pray to God that He will make you give me a chance. I pray all this in Jesus Christ's name. Amen"
"And most of all, I love you still Cindy. You know who you are. I hope one of your friends reads this and pursuades you to give me a chance. I really pray to God that that will happen to you. I pray to God that He'll ease your heart. I pray to God that He will make you give me a chance. I pray all this in Jesus Christ's name. Amen"
"For all you know, I love you my dear. I love you so much."
-Benjamin Wong, 2009
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